An Analysis of Hiei
by PocketSizedOwl
Summary: Not meant to spoil anyone's fun, just something that's been on my mind lately and wanted to get it out :)


An Analysis of Hiei

Have you ever heard the saying, "it takes one to know one"? Well this saying hold true for many things, especially mental health and personality traits. As someone who might get a little… too into things sometimes, I have read my fair share of fanfiction, especially Yu Yu Hakusho. While I understand that many of these fanfictions intentionally bring people out of character, there are times when it seems like the author truly believes that the character would act or think how they have portrayed them. Some character (like Hiei) aren't discussed really in-depth in their original source so it is understandable that they could be perceived in a way that they aren't. So while one who goes in-depth to study the character can eventually figure them out, it would take someone very similar to the character to truly understand them.

I first watched Yu Yu Hakusho in 2005. I was in fifth grade, eleven years old, and was getting up at 5 a.m. every Saturday just to watch it. Skipping past the fact that this show is completely inappropriate for a child, I'll honestly say that the reason I liked Hiei at first was because I thought he was cute and cool. (Hey, I was eleven.) As I went through middle school and all of my peers were gaining height and I wasn't, I started to like Hiei because he was short and a complete badass, which meant that if I, standing at my honorable 4 feet and 10 inches tall, then I had the potential to be a complete badass as well. These two reasons stayed the main reasons I like Hiei for years. But as I quickly approach the still young but tired-old age of 20, I've began to realize the real reason why I love Hiei so much.

I've always been different. When I was younger, I wore "boys" clothes and didn't have my first female friend until I was 7 (and even then it was only one). Now that I'm older, I do wear "girls" clothes, but am still far from girly. I'm not a lesbian or transgender, I just don't fit into the way that I'm "supposed" to be. This caused many problems before I even realized I had problems. I've had depression on and off since I was 9. I had horrible insomnia in middle school. In high school my depression worsened and I developed horrible anxiety. But what developed in my late teens is what has helped me understand a fictional character.

Although it isn't all of them, the little fire demon and I both share many symptoms of schizoid personality disorder. It would seem like we would need to be strapped down to a white hospital bed and force-fed pills so that we could function normally in society, I don't think that it really is the disorder, for either of us. This is a simple case of nature versus nurture. Society has bred the both of us to not get close to people.

At the beginning of the series it does seem like Hiei definitely does not have the capacity to get close to anyone, ever. But as the show/manga progresses we delve deeper into Hiei's personality, actions, and past and it seems less likely that he doesn't get close to anyone because he hates everyone, but that he is actually scared. Scared that he will trust someone and they will abandon him (the bandits who raised him). Scared that if he does not show how much more powerful he is than someone that he will be killed (although it might seem like he would have mo problem dieing, his actions show that he has a strong will to survive). And along with that, if he shows any sort of emotion other than anger, he will be seen as weak, and that being weak is the worst thing you can be.

It doesn't seem like Hiei ever opens up, but once examined one can see that that is not the case. After everything he has been through, Hiei just cannot express himself like most people can. He would never tell someone that he loved them. He would never anyone exactly how he felt about them. But what he does not express in words, Hiei expresses greatly with his actions. This is shown in to main instances: the first is when Hiei does not kill Mukuro during the Makai Tounament, and the second being in the manga when , after learning about her past, Hiei presents Mukuro's father to her as a resent in a state that would allow him to torture him for as long as she wanted and he would still feel the pain. As twisted as this seems, for Hiei this is the kindest thing he has ever, and probably will ever, do for anyone. Whatever you feel is the true base of their relationship, it is obvious by these actions that Hiei cares deeply for Mukuro.

I can understand Hiei because I share these same characteristics. I don't feel love for anyone in the sense that you're "supposed to" and I have never told anyone that I loved them. Some people think that I hate them because of this, but that's not the case. I don't "love" them in the conventional sense, but I do care about them and their well-being. I can't tell someone that I love them, but I can do something for them that shows how much I know and care for them. While this may still seem like a horrible person to some people, it's just a different way for the brain to work. Hiei, just like I, is a product of his environment. He is damaged in many ways, but not completely broken. He shows that he doesn't care, but really has very strong thoughts and emotions just like everyone else. He just can't express them in a "normal" way. And while he is massively misunderstood, once someone comes along who is similar or just understands why (Mukuro for Hiei), everything inside is finally released.


End file.
